Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
