dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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