I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
