it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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