I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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