I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
