sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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