Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
