This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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