Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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