A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
