She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
