She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
