Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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