you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
