Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
