Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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