I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
