she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
