me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
