K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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