zippers are such a cool invention
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
