we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
