You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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