I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize