After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
