i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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