I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
