Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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