Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Houston, we have a blender
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize