Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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