If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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