I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
love makes seman taste better
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
