Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
