when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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