tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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