I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
