hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
