I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
