Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
