so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
