I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
