oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
