And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
