After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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