so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
