just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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