Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
