i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
