He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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