Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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