how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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