im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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