Got a toothbrush?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
