Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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