tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
