I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize