I am midnight drunk by noon
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
